365 Days

Hello. It's been a year since my last post.
What has changed?
Over this one year, few people came into my life and left.
I learn more about people, who they are and why do they exist in my life and also about myself.
I become a more rational person and I cry lesser these days.
I turned 27 and this blog is 8 years old this year. This means that I started this blog when I was 19.
I know when to let things go. I know how to listen to my heart. I know when to react.
Am I happy?
Yes, I am happy being by myself.
I completed a solo trip to Tokyo and Seoul which I never thought that I would be able to do it at first.
I am still protecting my heart, not wanting it to get hurt badly again.
At times, I am trapped, I will always try my best to find a way out.
My soulmate hasn't appeared or maybe there isn't any soulmate for me.
I can't change the reality. I can only bend in and go with what reality has given me.
What's my next encounter? Honestly, I don't know.
I only know that most importantly I need to always keep myself happy.
Continue to pray that I will follow what God has planned for me.
I can't find an exact explanation to a lot of things as to why they happened that way.
The answer is with God in fact. He knows.
He mends broken heart, broken soul.
If I could, I just want to ask for someone who would never give up on me, despite my imperfections.
Truth is, you need patience. Sometimes I am too naive and being naive is a bad thing to many people.
God created me in such a way that I am soft hearted and I give in a lot.
All in all, just don't give up on yourself yet Janet. You have came this far.......
A gentle reminder to live this life with love, pain, happy, sad emotions.
You will bloom like a pretty rose when Spring comes.

Signing off,
Little Miss J

Erased

Everything will be erased from today.
Dear little heart,your other half is missing and I am sobbing for you too.
Hope to meet my better self soon.
Goodnight.

改变或许是最好的事

一个不会游泳的人，
老换游泳池是不能解决问题的；

一个不会做事的人，
老换工作是提升不了自己能力的；

一个不懂经营爱情的人，
老换男女朋友是找不到真爱的；

一个不懂经营家庭的人，
怎么换爱人也是无法获得幸福的；

一个不学习的老板，
绝对不会持续成功的；

一个不懂正确养生的人，
药吃得再多，医院设备再好，都是不能健康长寿的。

“自己”是一切的根源，要想改变一切，首先要改变自己。

失眠的夜

是的，我失眠了。以前从来都没有这个问题，但是最近我发现我失眠的频率越来越多次了。我心里头很多的疑虑，没有人可以解答。最近给自己放了长假，可是却好像没什么放到假。很想放开自己的心，认真面对那赤裸裸的内心深处。现实有时候，会让我不禁的掉眼泪。常会问自己，我会做什么？ 我是谁？我为什么存在在这个世界上？我都不够好，值得人家爱我吗？ 曾经我想不通的时候，我会驾着车到处绕，去暂时的倒空心里那一股的疑惑。至少那一个时刻，会舒服一点。盈盈，你只有四年的时间就到三十岁了。怎么办？ 你为什么还这么的疑惑？

#Wishlist

She doesn't know if she herself is the fool.

#Wishlist : To be happy and feel,surround herself with happiness.

Pray for all the good things to happen. 

We all need the strengths and positive vibes to face whatever that's coming along.Above all.

Night.

Signing off,

Little Miss J

1st September Diary

Here I am after being MIA for so long.

I know that nobody is gonna read what I am going to write here anymore.But you know what, that's a good thing.Perhaps I would write more stuffs because of that.First of all, dear Diary sorry for abandoning you this long.During this period of time, I was lost,found and then lost again.The cycle goes on and on.Today I told myself I wanted to write something here before the clock strikes twelve.It's the first day of September and I hope I will end today with a good note.i told myself over and over again not to take things for granted.Not to be bullied and not to love blindly.What is it that lies in front of me, I don't know. But I hope The Lord will guide me through.My wish for September definitely will be : please be good to me.

Signing off, 

Little Miss J 

LDR

Found this article online.I believe everyone who is LDR now somehow resonate well with it.

Being in a Long Distance relationship is more difficult than a normal relationship. Days passed by and all you have is the phone and internet to connect you.

There are a lot of limitations when it comes to your relationship. No dinner dates, movies, or even just warm hugs. You cannot celebrate monthsaries together because you are thousand miles apart from each other.

It gets harded especially when your other half is working on the other side of the world. You are in different time zones. When you are about to sleep it is time for them to wake up and vice versa. Every moment that you speak with each other is crucial.

But it is really just distance no matter how far you are from each other, you just have to remind yourself that you can do it because you love each other.

Faith, trust and patience will be tested during this times but what is important is you know deep inside that your love is stronger than any other negative thoughts. You will definitely miss each other, that is normal but you have to keep in your mind that your other half is doing it for the sake of your future. So that when the time comes, you will be happy in the arms of each other.

彼此

原来，爱与被爱是一线之差。

曾经被伤害过的心，是不可能会复原的了。但女孩，请你照顾好自己。不会也要学会，因为那是你的一辈子。

现在有一个爱我的人，让我当初义无反顾的把自己的心交出来。

祝我们彼此都快乐。

彼此都永远爱着对方。

因为没有人的心可以一次又一次的被伤。

这一封是写给软弱的自己。

雨季

把这个部落格荒废了这么久，我还真的是很不好意思。这次真的是生锈了。

我的思念都献给了现在在台湾旅行的他。期待你快点回来。

渐渐我们就要步入年尾了。我好希望十二月快点到，因为我有长假要拿！其实也只是一个星期罢了。算是给自己的一个小小奖赏吧。

听不到他熟悉声音的日子里，我好不习惯。

也因为有这样的机会，我就趁机思考或者是做很多的自我反省。显然有好多好多的进步空间。还是要继续加油，盈盈！

今晚是一个下雨的夜晚，所以应该会特别的好睡。祝晚安！

Photo of the day: 

最近刚刚去了的餐厅。

这么可爱的一个角落，逃不过我的相机！

不要戴假面具好吗？

这是另一面的我。也是真实的我。

今天在这里正面和你交心。

小的时候我很叛逆，不喜欢待在家里。

那时候心里想的是，我要去看世界。

长大了，翅膀稍微有一点点硬了，父母亲帮我买了一张机票，就这样飞来了这个城市里。那时候懵懵懂懂的，虽然孤身一人在这里上班，身边其实有很多人在帮忙，因为我的生活圈子还蛮大。

这些帮助过我的人，我从没忘记过你们。只是我还找不到机会和你们一个个的说声谢谢。

时间久了，我这只鸟儿也似乎飞到累了。世界大概也没看到多少，得到的是一堆的心酸史。在这城市里做工，最穷的就是自己的荷包。经历了车祸，分手，被上司欺负，很多时候都想忍下来，可惜我没用，不小心给一些人看到这一面软弱的我。那些开心的时候，都是短暂的。

即将进入四周年的工作旅程，我也一无所成。我仍然是一个卑微的员工，咬着牙赚取生活费来养自己。看着身边的朋友，嫁人生子，虽然他们也有他们家里那本难念的经，但经济心灵上是稳定的。

或许要怪就怪我是一个很爱烦恼的女孩。我始终会担心未来的路。更何况，我是家里的长女，上有爸爸妈妈下有两个弟弟。以后要怎么一个人买房子给自己，和照顾爸爸妈妈。

昨天妈妈在电话里的一句：你年龄也不小了，让我更加的担心，这说明时间更加不等人了。我背后这隐形的重担，几时可以卸下？

那天在工作上遇到一位姐妹，突然发现我们的背景好像。虽然她比我年长，但我们同样离乡背景来到这个城市里工作。说到生活/工作上的担子的时候，她的眼眶湿了。我牵着她的手告诉她我都明白，我都知道。那时候的我也好想哭。对于生活中许多事，我都感到无力，没有安全感。

有时候真的好想关闭这个部落格，看回去很多的posts都是不开心的倾诉。我还是爱面子的，还是不想给人认定我是不开心的女孩。但对着这个部落格说话，是我仅有可以发泄的地方。

若你读到这篇博文，请你不要胡乱的为我贴上标签。只期许，你会为我祈祷，祝福我。而我可以感恩的是，今天还有生命气息张开眼去过每一天的生活。

好累。

开朗的笑脸背后，藏着一颗哭泣的心。

#我不想长大记

Blank Talk

Honestly speaking I am getting lazier to blog nowadays.

Started this blog since uni and until now, I noticed a lot of my friends closed their blogs ever since they graduated or moved on to the next step in their life.

Today I am here sitting and write nothing. I am really running out of ideas to write.Life has became more or less a routine for me, especially after three years of working. 

No more shopping spree at the mall during weekend.

No more friends hangouts at specialty cafes. Even if there is, that would be one or twice per month.

All I do is lay in the bed and sleep whole day round.

It's the end of June and we are going to welcome the next half of the year in another day.

Am I going down the right path? I don't know yet and time will tell someday.

Am thinking of closing down this blog as readers are getting lesser.The inconsistency usage of language, inconsistency of blog updates kept me thinking it's about time.

But I haven't made up my mind yet. I will share about my blog closure, if I am really doing it.

Till then.

I am - Project Planner

We need to plan for certain things in life. Be it our career, relationship, financial status and etc.

In fact, there are so many things which we need to look into. 

I am currently slowly embarking into new direction in life.

Things aren't smooth sailing at times. I can't control it but I believe God is in control.

He has provided me with a physical shoulder on the earth. The shoulder has became my main source of warmth and support ever since then.

In fact, I am blessed.Though the road is kinda tough, he never fails to cheer me up, never fails to give me encouragement.His calm and soothing voice puts me to sleep every night.

I should be a stronger project planner.At least, I never give up learning to be one.

But the one on top of me, He - The Universe Project Manager has destined my paths on the earth.

Abba Father, thanks for everything. Although a lot of times, I cracked my head and had millions thoughts running in my mind trying to figure out why certain things happened.Please continue to guide me so that I don't become a lost sheep. Keep me patient so that I can wait for the good things to come.

I am vulnerable to alot of things on this Earth.Sometimes I feel weak too.You who watches me from above, may You continue to bless me with wisdoms to differentiate the good and evil things around me.

Till then.

思念的练习

现在最最最想念的人就是他。

好想你，这一句话我每天都要告诉他。

记得那一天，我走进候机室的时候，眼眶湿湿的，我舍不得上飞机。

我带着的承重的心情回到这个城市里。

我的心留在他那里了。

有时候真的忍不住，好想再飞到那个城市里去找他。

从没想过这个城市会对我有特别的意义。可是自从有了他之后，这个城市对我的意义特别不一样。因为那是他长大的地方。

现在我们两个都特别的忙，联络彼此的时间少了。

想他的时候，我会把我们的照片拿出来看看…把甜蜜回忆一幕一幕的翻出来

我好想快点快点看到你……

期待我们下一次的相遇在彼此的城市里。

好吧，这次就写到这…把我overflowing的思念统统都写出来……

幸福记

曾经以为他可能不存在。

曾经以为的事，不发生了。

他很努力的把我从梦中叫醒，

一次又一次的告诉我-你不是在做梦。

就算这是做梦，我可以永远都不要醒吗？

世界上还有什么比这种踏实的幸福来的更珍贵？大概没有了…我不想把幸福物质化。这是再多的金钱都买不回来的幸福。

我们每一天都在电话里倒数。

倒数见面的日子。

倒数见面的时候要做的事。

好希望我们可以渡过这些倒数的日子，然后就再也不用倒数了。

因为可以每一天一起过生活。

我对未来的憧憬又回来了。

以为从此以后封锁的憧憬真的再一次回来了。

好难以置信。

被他抱在怀里的我，也是最爱你的我。

简单也是一种幸福。

谢谢你。爱你。

不乖的我

现在的我病了。身体状况当然不比昨天惨。因为他一直叮咛我要吃药，而倔强的我这一次也乖乖听话…现在比昨天好多了。昨晚我记得我一直在电话里嚷着生病好辛苦。可能发烧，所以才这么无理取闹…

这两天听着电话那头里的声音，我知道他在为我担心。

对不起，让你着急了。

是我我没有好好照顾自己。

今年下来不知道为什么我好容易生病。

这已经是第二次了。

第一次生病的时候，也换来他第一次打越洋电话给我。听到他声音的那一刻，心里莫名的好感动，虽然有点生疏，因为生病发烧最辛苦。生病也会让我好想家，可是又尽量不要给爸爸妈妈知道，因为不想要给他们担心。谢谢你填补的这个空间。相信在电话里安慰病人不容易吧？

我的生病记就是这样在电话中渡过。他虽不在身边，可我却觉得他的心在这儿。

我希望我们都能健健康康的一起长大，一起变老。要一起去体验这个很长很长的人生……

我开始爱睡了，大概是感冒药开始作祟了。

倒数见到你的日子----->一天。

很期待那暖暖的拥抱…

晚安咯…

心绪 9

刚刚和电话那头里的他说晚安。

可是临时想说在这里写写东西。

时间过的忽快忽慢，有时候还真的很考验人的耐性。

我好希望星期五快点来。

今天是星期日，等一下有主日崇拜。

每一次崇拜完过后，都会有一小段默祷的时间。

我的祷告里离不开感恩。

上帝让我明白今天我拥有的是从他而来。

在这个看似很奢侈的环境里做工，幸好我还没变成珠光宝气的成员。上帝让我看到许多人戴着面具过生活。

我很明白自己要成为什么样的一个人。

当有人告诉你，你的心不可以这么善良的时候，你会怎么做？

我不想要失去这一颗上帝创造给我的心。

就是一颗爱人爱己的心。

写给来自星星的你

这一篇是写给这张照片的摄影师

我一个人摇摇晃晃的渡过了接近27个月的日子

你出现了

你的出现在我的生命里好特别

我觉悟到

原来有人陪你吃每一餐饭是可以那么幸福的

你对我大大小小的事情都记得清清楚楚

还有通宵的电话粥

你总是用心的聆听

我都感受到你的用心

你说过你的责任就是要让我每一天都过得开心

要让我开心的笑

就这么样的一个简单承诺

我心动了

24岁的我遇上了28岁的你

这个组合我从没想过

在爱情路上

总会有风风雨雨

我希望我们会一起抓住这一把大雨伞

一辈子的抓着，走过阴天晴天

我渴望的是大家对我们的祝福

爱情是人生里最微妙的承诺

Love and Bravery

If love requires you to take another great step,will you do so?

Love is a responsible act with bravery.

Love is taking a great leap of faith.

Bravery comes from love,love comes from bravery.

Love is with us.

We have come to March

Sorry that I have been neglecting this blog for quite sometime already.....Mind you this could be a really random post..

So fast that we are entering March.Here I am trying to feed some content to my blog.Since January until today, I have been through a little getaway, watched the first concert in life,getting sick, attending rounds and rounds of interviews,attending closest Uni mates wedding,cousins wedding,meeting new people,Chinese New Year celebration,13 days holiday break,gained weight,getting little kids greeting me as yi yi* or better still some call me jie jie*,getting parents friends asking when are you getting married,but I still received lotsa angpaus,watched The Journey - a touching movie which make me gone teary in the cinema,nonstop overseas whatsapp messaging and photo sharing.

Despite entering March,I wish May could have come earlier.I wish right now it's 30th April midnight or early morning of 1st May as I have a flight to catch and look forward to meet the host.

Have you ever experienced something/someone that manage to put a smile on your face for 24/7?

Have you ever experienced that your heart is being lifted away and you are willingly to let it fly to the place that attracts it.

Have you ever felt that everything which had happened felt like a dream and you need somebody to actually pinch you and tell you that :  Hey,you don't need to wake up, what you see and what you feel now is all REAL!! 

Love is the foundation of everything. 

I believe the Love from God is sufficient and strong enough to lead me to the next step in my life.

However,uncertainties that I had encountered and might encounter in life,always always weaken me....for I am just a girl..a human..渺小到不行......

That night I cried in the phone over a situation which I can't control at all.Something that I never thought it would happen and something that I have to call a stop.

Been through all these,tho Abba Father is watching over me from the above, I need a steady shoulder,a warm arm,to guide me to through the life journey on this earth.

As I grow older,my memory box storage is getting fuller and fuller.

I have learnt to appreciate even the smallest thing that came into my life.

Some say you have to learn to dance in the rain.

And I say You have to learn to dance in both sunny days and rainy days.

Till then.I hope I can do a picture post the next round.

P/s: I was writing this blog post while listening to this song.Hope you like it too~

xoxo 

Little Miss J 

心绪8

今晚的我不想多写了，以下的图解与旁文都把我的心情表达出来。